One Year From Today. Or, Why Should You Have a Wedding?

One year from today Catie and I will be waking up a committed couple. But aren't we already?

I think it could be argued that our marriage really began on October 27th, 2009 when we closed on our first house, together. I mean, suddenly we had joint accounts and joint debts, we weren't just living together. A separation would suddenly get exponentially complicated.

Or maybe our marriage began on June 28th, 2010 when we went down to the county courthouse and raised our right hands and said, "I do." After all, this is the day when our commitment became legal. It might not give all the rights and benefits of marriage under the law, but it still has to be legally undone before we can get hitched to anyone else.

One of our friends, Dan, once said he believed that marriage began privately when you got engaged and publicly when you had the ceremony and celebration. So maybe we got married on June 11th, 2010 when Catie proposed to me at Pride Fest.

So if between the two of us we have affirmed our commitment to each other at least 3 times, and if we are legally already as married as we can be, then why bother with the big expensive shindig?

Well, I think it's partially the second part of what Dan believes, that sharing the moment in celebration with friends and family is how we make this marriage part of the "public" consciousness. It's saying, "Hey world! Guess what? We found someone we want intend to spend the rest our lives with and it is important to us that you all know it." But not just know it. Rather, that you recognize and respect it.

That when you introduce us to new people you don't just say, "This is my daughter or sister or friend _____, and her friend _____." Because you know that our relationship has meaning to it beyond just friendship.

But there is another reason for the party as well. In the words of Brian Kinney, a character from the show Queer as Folk, "The only thing worth celebrating is accomplishment." And I ask you, what the frak is more worth celebrating than two people actually finding someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with?

Anyone who hasn't found that someone until later in life. Anyone who has had to dip their toes repeatedly in the dating pool just to find someone they could tolerate even a second date with. Anyone who has been so burned by love they have thought that the last thing they would ever want to do is look for anything that serious again can tell you what an enormous accomplishment it is to find someone who you choose to change your life for. Because all the things you thought you wanted suddenly seem a tiny bit less important than figuring out how to compromise your wants and needs to make them mesh with someone else's so you can both be happy and still share your lives together.

Actually finding one single person out of the thousands you will encounter in your lifetime, who makes you decide that you want to be married to them is possibly the biggest accomplishment you will ever achieve. So what could be more worth a huge, expensive party? If ever there is a time for ceremony and celebration, this is it.