What Would You Do? Getting Snubbed

Of all the venues I have looked at there has only been one that I'm really loving, Hubbard Park Lodge.

But I'm starting to get the feeling our kind isn't wanted there.

Why you ask?

Well, let's see -

I've now sent 3 different unanswered emails to 3 different people who work there. Over the course of a week and a half.

I've left a voice message that was returned with a voicemail that only gave one option to talk to someone was to go there in person when they are open on Friday or Sunday.

We went on Friday, it was closed for a wedding.

We went on Sunday, there person we were supposed to talk to wasn't there.

We left a message with our names and numbers for the person we were supposed to talk to with the hostess, who told us the event coordinator would call that day.

Its four days later and she hasn't called.

So at what point do you take a hint?

In the very last email I sent, to contact #3, I flat out asked if our inquiries weren't being responded to because the Lodge isn't interested in hosting a same-sex ceremony.

As of yet, I have had no reply to this email either.

My head tells me I should give up and move on. In all other circumstances, if a company was this unprofessional, repeatedly, I would say fuck it, and not give them my business. But I haven't seen anything else that i've liked and could afford.

This situation totally sucks.

To further add to my good mood Wisconsin's Hight Court upheld the marriage ban today

Some days I really hate the world.

Will you be my domestic partner?

Today Catie and I went to the Milwaukee County Courthouse and applied for a Wisconsin Domestic Partnership.

Although it felt rather official to raise our right hands and say, "I do," and although the rights this will give us are important, which is why we did it, I don't want anyone to be fooled that this really means all that much in the eyes of the law.

In fact while doing this will grant us 43 rights. It leaves out around 1100 that are granted to straight couples when they apply for their marriage licenses.

Its not fair. Its not right. I work hard. I pay my taxes. I have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, just like everyone else. I shouldn't be treated like a second class citizen. I shouldn't have to be grateful for getting something that is so far less than that which is granted to my friends, families and neighbors.

But I'm still happy that now Catie is legally obligated to keep me fed, clothed, and sheltered. And vice versa of course.

And saying, "I do," with her felt sorta nice too. :D

Moms and Venues

After scouring every wedding website we could find on the internets for venues in Milwaukee, and ruling out all hotels because they just don't "feel like us", we happened to stumble on a location that piqued our interest.

We had originally contacted the Lakefront Brewery Palm Garden because it looked interesting to us and in an email response found out that it was WAY out of budget. However, the management also operates another facility, The Hubbard Park Lodge. And this one, although still slightly above our budget, was much more reasonable. Moreover, it actually looked like it might be something we would like even more.

We were informed that the event coordinator was there on friday nights and sunday mornings and that you could just stop by for a tour and to talk to her during those times. Friday nights they have a fish fry (its a Milwaukee thing) and Sunday mornings/afternoon they have a brunch. So we decided to go check it out.

I thought it would be a good idea to invite my parents along for a couple of reasons. 1. Catie and I aren't used to envisioning what large crowds look like in confined spaces. We needed help visualizing if a place would work for our needs. 2. I thought it would be nice to include my mom. She and I can be like oil and water. Which is, consequently, the reason the other half my brain was screaming that I shouldn't ask them to come along.

I decided to ask them to come.

I love you mom, but a lot of times it would just be nice if you said, "Oh this is a lovely spot and I think it would work." or "Oh this isn't going to be big enough, I'm sorry."

Instead I get a list of 80 different places we could also consider (which I'd mostly looked into already) And a 100 examples of what so and so did for their wedding, which frankly I just don't care about.

I know I should be more patient. But I'm just not the kind of person who cares about what anyone else did or who is looking for a 1000 suggestions. I like to do things I think of doing in ways and places I discover. And I just want you to tell me if its crazy or brilliant or both.

Needless to say there was bickering. Especially when, while eyeing the nearby Milwaukee River, my mom proclaimed that we needed to hire a babysitter for the small children who would be there. Even after I told her, probably 4 times at least, that there would only be a maximum of 4 or 5 small children at the wedding. 2 of whom were my sister's. And Catie was behind me slowly getting more and more annoyed because she thinks, and I don't disagree, that its a parents job to watch their kid and if they can't then its their job to find someone to do it. But my mom would just not let the topic drop. Or be swayed from her insane notion that it was our job to hire a babysitter for the possible 4 kids at this wedding, two of whom would be my sister's.

Argh.

Like I said, I love you mom, but don't be offended when I don't ask you to visit the next venue with us.

Although, there probably won't be any next visits, cause we sorta loved Hubbard Park Lodge.

Wedding Websites I've used so far for finding venues:
On Milwaukee Article
Premier Bride: Good long list with thumbnail pic and simple description and links to the venues website. Very useful.
The Knot: Popular but I didn't use this one as much as the others.
Wedding Mapper: Nice that I could read reviews at this one without joining.
Milwaukee County Parks Rentals Site - Handy for finding all the different places. Although ultimately none of the county parks worked for us because they either insist on a very pricey caterer - Bartolatta's or Zilli Group depending on venue. Or, in the case of South Shore Pavillion, it was musty smelling, lol.

The Ring

First let me say I love my engagement ring. It is beautiful and somehow reflects both my tastes and Catie's. She did a fantastic job picking it out. It is a round-cut 3/4 carat solitaire flanked by two 1/2 carat round rubies set in white gold. Catie choose rubies because she knew they are my favorite stone, and i'm not that big on diamonds. And white gold because I have weird skin sensitivities and yellow gold tends to irritate my skin. Maybe one of these days I'll get ambitious and start adding some pics to these posts and then you can all see it.

But I debated posting specifically about my ring because Catie told me right off the bat it was not a natural diamond. Although I was more than ok with that for 2 reasons. 1. I need to buy a car and we have to pay for wedding. We really don't have the cash to be spending ridiculous sums of money on a ring. 2. I wouldn't have wanted to wonder if my stone came from questionable origins, even the supposedly "conflict-free" canadian diamonds are anything but. Howver, my being ok with that and my being ok with telling the world "Yes, this is my ring and not every part of it is natural, although it sure damn looks like it," are two entirely different things.

Since I'm a curious person, I then couldn't help myself and felt the need to investigate the origins of my stone and holy crap, who knew there was such a shit storm of info and accusations flying from every corner of the industry over different types of man-made diamonds, or synthetic diamonds, or stones that are basically cubic zirconia just really really well done? For about 24 hours I felt confused and unsure about my ring. And guilty for feeling it. I had no idea what Catie had paid for it, and I didn't want her to have been ripped off. And I didn't want to say anything to hurt her feelings either. And she had gone to the trouble of special ordering it for me, because of the rubies, which I know she doesn't like doing. She is more a brick and mortar kind of shopper, especially with large purchases.

However, I also didn't want my concerns to eat away at me. So finally I said something to her, and flat out asked her what she paid. Armed with that knowledge I then I investigated similar prices for this sort of gem, with rubies and in white gold with similar settings. I felt much better after that because at least I knew she hadn't been ripped off, it was a fair price.

And aside from that, within 24 hours I'd come to another conclusion. This is a billion dollar industry. From Moissanite to Gemesis to Diamond Nexus to the diamond giant of De Beers to Asha to a whole host of other companies producing real or simulants or synthetics, there are billions to be lost and won. And De Beers in particular, who had the most to lose, has gone to great length it seems to discredit the other options.

In other words, I wouldn't pay attention to what any one has to say about any of them. If you like how it looks, and I do like how mine looks, that is really all that should matter.

Next: The search for a commitment ceremony venue continues.

Venue Reality Check

One of my pet rats, November, died yesterday. It hasn't left me feeling very much like blogging. But I skipped yesterday's blog so I decided not to let it go two days in a row. So on to the wedding madness...

If I had been smart I would have at least taken the weekend to just enjoy the intense happiness I was experiencing post-proposal. But we both have a habit of spending a bit of time online before turning in for the night and my curiosity got the better of me. I started poking around looking at venue websites.

I mean, is there a girl out there who hasn't at least once imagined what their wedding/commitment ceremony day might look like? I naturally had some ideas of the places that I considered the bees knees. And now that it wasn't just going to be a fantasy, I couldn't help but check out if some of them could be a reality.

And thats when I learned two horrifying facts. 1. Those places are freaking expensive. 2. People apparently book their weddings two years in advance.

It wasn't like I was looking at the Calatrava for goodness sake. I mean I knew that a place like that would be out of my league and much sought after. And it wasn't like I was wishing to be a june bride. Nope. I was looking for mid-september. 16 months from now. And already places which were more moderately priced, and its not my definition of moderate by the way, I just mean they were cheaper than most other places, they were still freaking expensive in my book, were booked through September of 2011.

Suddenly it became clear that we had no time to waste as one by one the places I'd once had a passing thought of getting married in fell by the wayside. We needed to book a place as soon as possible. And before we could do that we needed a guest list so we would know how big of a place we needed.

I informed Catie of all of this and she informed me she had already started working on the song selection. Because, you know, when a wedding is 16 months away, the song list is totally high on the priority list.

After expressing the urgency of the situation to her, she finally got on board. Before the weekend was over we both had spread sheets with our guest lists and determined we needed a place for between 100-150 guests. With that knowledge in hand, the both us started researching possibilities diligently. Well, I started researching diligently. Catie flitted back and forth between that and the song selections.

We immediately came up with two good possibilities and set off to visit them that same weekend. The first, The Lakfefront Brewery Palm Garden, was ultimately too expensive. The second, The South Shore Pavilion was too stinky and apparently gave Catie bad vibes because she had once attended a lesbian Valentines Day dance there and had not had a good time. But it is a beautiful setting. And fairly inexpensive. Now if we could just get rid of the musty smell...

In less then 48 hours I went from being all OMG CATIE ASKED ME TO MARRY HER!!!!! Happiness!!! to omg I have to plan a fucking party for 150 people on a very tight budget stess.

I should have taken a few days to just bask in the joy.

Next Up: The Ring.

The Proposal

I have no recollection of what I was wearing the day Catie proposed, even though it was less than a week ago, but I do remember she was wearing a pair of army style camo cargo shorts. This will have relevance later on.

I also remember when I got home from work that day I yelled at her for some stupid reason that had to do with a phone call. We both have a fear of the telephone. Making phone calls is often a source of tension in our house. Later when I realized what an amazing thing she was doing for me that day, I would feel like a total ass for yelling at her and consider apologizing. But I never did because the rest of the night I was so freaking happy I didn't want to taint it, and also because I wasn't really sorry for yelling at her, just sorry for making her feel bad, the yelling was well deserved.

So after our little argument we set off to pick up my sister and head to the festival grounds for the opening night of Pridefest. We wandered about, purchased a giant rainbow flag, read about the LGBT history of Milwaukee, and took pictures with the FagBug, after purchasing a DVD of the documentary. Shortly thereafter we met up with Cally, Catie's sister.

Then the four of us repeated the tour of the grounds for Cally's sake, about halfway through I was so tired all I wanted to do was try and go see if we could find seats by the main stage. Kathy Griffin was the headliner and she would not be on stage until after 11pm. My day starts at 5am. There was no way I wanted to be on my feet all night long. So when Catie suggested a walk by the lake I declined. I should have been suspicious right then and there. Catie doesn't usually advocate doing things that require extra walking. After I said no, Cally piped up that she wanted to go to the lake too, in a tone that left no room for argument. That probably should have tipped me off. Instead I just followed along feeling puzzled by everyone's obsession with walking by the lake.

So the four of us are walking when we spot a stage with some belly dancers. So we stop to watch a bit. I'd never seen a male belly dancer before. Then we continue on our way when I declare I have to go to the ladies room and split off from everyone. Poor Catie. All this time she is just trying to steer me towards the damn lake. Apparently after the bathroom break she gives up, because we are walking on path through a grassy area near the children's play zone, and still not by the lake when she stops me and somehow maneuvers me so that we are facing each other instead of side by side. And not for the last time I ask, "What are you doing?"

So she leans in for a kiss and I give her a nice chaste little peck, we are in public after all and my sister is 4 feet away, and then I try to turn and continue walking. But she stops me with her hands on my arms and again, "What are you doing?"

Her hands glide down my arms and she says, "Relax," and for a fleeting second I'm annoyed because I think she is about to pick an eyelash off me. Random much? Not really. I lose them with alarming frequency and she always spots them and plucks them off of me at random times. But we are in public, and i've told her before no picking things off of me in public. Its just weird. So yeah, annoyed.

All of this is running through my head keeping me from realizing she has somehow gotten down on one knee without my being aware of it. All I can think is now what the hell is she doing on the ground. Maybe if I ask a third time I'll get it, "What are you doing?"

What can I say. I'm a little slow sometimes.

I'd like to give you a play by play at this point. But I totally can't. Shock destroyed the memory. But I do remember processing that she was holding a sizable ring box that seemed to have magically appeared out of no where, in reality it had been in her giant camo cargo pockets all along. And that inside that box was a really beautiful ring. Which made no sense to me at all. Catie doesn't randomly buy me jewelry.

She especially doesn't buy it for me and then give it to me while down on one knee in front of an audience. Oh.

I don't think I said yes at first. I think I might have said, "Oh my god. What are you doing?" Even though by this point I knew darn well what she was doing. There was kissing and hugging and eventually a "Yes, of course." Then there was applause and a couple of "Woohoos" from a group of girls who happened to be passing by.

There was also an awkward moment where I could not remember which hand I was supposed to put the ring on. I had to ask. It was embarrassing. I'd like to clarify at this juncture that I do know which hand it is supposed to be on. But holy hell people, how's a girl supposed to remember something like that when the girl of her dreams has just asked her to marry her?

Tomorrow: Curiousity kills the Cat

This blog

I blog other places. I have a facebook account. I have many well established venues I could use to write endless posts about my lesbian wedding. But by post number four or five or six, most people I know would be ready to defriend me. I know that is how I felt about my recently married co-worker who spoke of little else other than her big day for the last 2 months. Many a morning in the locker room I wished desperately that I could just log off.

So to spare friends and family the agony of reading every minute and possibly boring detail. And yet to still allow me to do what I like best - post daily about whatever is consuming my brain - I am starting a brand new blog.

Dedicated solely to my Big. Lesbian. Wedding.

Tomorrow: The Proposal.