One Year From Today. Or, Why Should You Have a Wedding?

One year from today Catie and I will be waking up a committed couple. But aren't we already?

I think it could be argued that our marriage really began on October 27th, 2009 when we closed on our first house, together. I mean, suddenly we had joint accounts and joint debts, we weren't just living together. A separation would suddenly get exponentially complicated.

Or maybe our marriage began on June 28th, 2010 when we went down to the county courthouse and raised our right hands and said, "I do." After all, this is the day when our commitment became legal. It might not give all the rights and benefits of marriage under the law, but it still has to be legally undone before we can get hitched to anyone else.

One of our friends, Dan, once said he believed that marriage began privately when you got engaged and publicly when you had the ceremony and celebration. So maybe we got married on June 11th, 2010 when Catie proposed to me at Pride Fest.

So if between the two of us we have affirmed our commitment to each other at least 3 times, and if we are legally already as married as we can be, then why bother with the big expensive shindig?

Well, I think it's partially the second part of what Dan believes, that sharing the moment in celebration with friends and family is how we make this marriage part of the "public" consciousness. It's saying, "Hey world! Guess what? We found someone we want intend to spend the rest our lives with and it is important to us that you all know it." But not just know it. Rather, that you recognize and respect it.

That when you introduce us to new people you don't just say, "This is my daughter or sister or friend _____, and her friend _____." Because you know that our relationship has meaning to it beyond just friendship.

But there is another reason for the party as well. In the words of Brian Kinney, a character from the show Queer as Folk, "The only thing worth celebrating is accomplishment." And I ask you, what the frak is more worth celebrating than two people actually finding someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with?

Anyone who hasn't found that someone until later in life. Anyone who has had to dip their toes repeatedly in the dating pool just to find someone they could tolerate even a second date with. Anyone who has been so burned by love they have thought that the last thing they would ever want to do is look for anything that serious again can tell you what an enormous accomplishment it is to find someone who you choose to change your life for. Because all the things you thought you wanted suddenly seem a tiny bit less important than figuring out how to compromise your wants and needs to make them mesh with someone else's so you can both be happy and still share your lives together.

Actually finding one single person out of the thousands you will encounter in your lifetime, who makes you decide that you want to be married to them is possibly the biggest accomplishment you will ever achieve. So what could be more worth a huge, expensive party? If ever there is a time for ceremony and celebration, this is it.

A letter to the owner always works...sort of

First, Let me say that Catie and I are now officially Domestic Partners in the state of WI. We went back to the Courthouse yesterday to pick up our approved application and file it.

It was a very happy moment for both of us. :D Although I can't not mention that it does greatly bother me that I have to pay the same for the domestic partnership as you do for a marriage license. And yet the license gives your around 1100 legal rights/benefits and the domestic partnership only gives you 43. If we were paying per right granted, the marriage license would cost $106 and the dp would cost roughly $4.16. I know I should probably just focus on the joy of the occasion. But its pretty hard not to be upset a little by the difference.

Now on to other things. I finally wrote a letter to the owner of the company that operates Hubbard Park Lodge. In it I asked if we were being ignored because we were having a commitment ceremony.

And wouldn't you know it, the very next day I got a phone call from the event coordinator we'd been trying to get in touch with for 11 days.

Yay!

Or maybe not, because 11 days before the dates we had wanted were all available. Now they are booked.

Of course they are.

I wrote back and asked about one weekend later than we had wanted. It'll be getting risky with the weather, but it could pay off in a beautiful fall day. I shall let you know what the verdict is and if we will be looking elsewhere once again.

I'm sorry it has been so long between posts. Not for a lack of things to say, but just because this lesbian bride has now been working for 10 straight days and is incredibly crabby and tired.

Will you be my domestic partner?

Today Catie and I went to the Milwaukee County Courthouse and applied for a Wisconsin Domestic Partnership.

Although it felt rather official to raise our right hands and say, "I do," and although the rights this will give us are important, which is why we did it, I don't want anyone to be fooled that this really means all that much in the eyes of the law.

In fact while doing this will grant us 43 rights. It leaves out around 1100 that are granted to straight couples when they apply for their marriage licenses.

Its not fair. Its not right. I work hard. I pay my taxes. I have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, just like everyone else. I shouldn't be treated like a second class citizen. I shouldn't have to be grateful for getting something that is so far less than that which is granted to my friends, families and neighbors.

But I'm still happy that now Catie is legally obligated to keep me fed, clothed, and sheltered. And vice versa of course.

And saying, "I do," with her felt sorta nice too. :D