Apparently I've enjoyed married life so much I forgot I had this blog! Or else I just got really busy with life. A little of both actually. What have I been up to?
I have continued doing a bit of blogging over at Willows and Roads. Although a glance there tells me I've barely posted anything and mostly have saved drafts of things I've meant to post. Oh well.
We are remodeling one of our bathrooms. Fun!! Not really. And Catie and my wonderful dad are doing all the work. But I'm looking forward to the end result.
We went on a vacation to 3 of the 5 states I had left on my list. Mississippi, Arkansas and Louisiana. And we managed to spend only $40 in the state of MS and $15 in in AR. Most all of our funds were spent in New Orleans, which is a fairly liberal city for the South. So I felt good about being able to check things off my to do list without feeling like I was spending my money somewhere I didn't want to.
We also had births, deaths, weddings and new pets in our family in the past year.
I also got promoted shortly before our wedding, so I've been busy as ever at work.
I got a little addicted to Ancestry.com.
I raised some funds for the pancreatic cancer network and did a walk.
And then there was that whole Recall thing. Yeah. Politics have been pretty all consuming for the past year. And every time I think I'm burnt out on them. Surprise! I'm not.
And in the middle of all that, there has been just a lot of living life. Good times and bad with family and friends.
And as for Catie and me, our life is remarkable in that it isn't. We just really enjoy being with each other. We have minor disagreements of course. But it is hard to remember them or what they are about (probably driving, directions or feeding the pets). She is my best friend. And life is pretty sweet when you get to hang out with your best friend every day.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Powers That Be: Part 1 of 2
I believe there is something greater than all of us as individuals at work in the universe. What exactly that is, I am less certain of. So I prefer to refer to this something as The Powers That Be, or TPTB, rather than God. Yes, I got that phrase from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but that doesn't make it any less fitting a name for whatever, or whoever, it is out there that is greater than myself.
But this isn't a post about my theological beliefs. This is a post about what I think the Christian God thinks about my getting married to a woman. My next post, part 2, will be about what I think of some of his followers, the ones who came to my wedding but should have stayed home.
First of all, if there is a God, I don't think he gave much thought or care at all to the fact that I got married, to a woman, or anyone else because he is probably very, very busy with much larger matters. BUT, if he does give a shit, I'm sure he smiled that day when our wedding came on his radar for a brief moment. Because really, if God is good and God is love, how can you not smile at such an outpouring of happiness and love as we experienced that day? From Catie's family and my family. From Catie's friends and my friends and our friends. They spoke so many messages of love to us during the ceremony. 
Many traveled great distances to be there, more than 20 from out of state. How can so much love be regarded by anyone as wrong?
But there is another way I know he would have been smiling. Because all day Saturday it rained. And all day Sunday it was cloudy and looked like it was going to rain. And Sunday night - scattered showers off and on. But right before and all during our ceremony...
The clouds broke. The sun shined down upon us. And clearly, God was displeased.
Plus that trelis that looks like it was made to be there, and added so much beauty to our setting - left behind, like a gift from the gods, by the people married there the day before.
Also, as Catie will tell you, it is nearly impossible for me to be comfortable with temperature. I have comfort range of like 5 degrees. If it isn't somewhere between 67 and 73, I'm too cold or too hot. That afternoon I do believe it was about 70. I couldn't have scripted the weather better myself. Also, our entire honeymoon, barely a cloud in the sky and low 70's the whole week.
I'm just saying...
But this isn't a post about my theological beliefs. This is a post about what I think the Christian God thinks about my getting married to a woman. My next post, part 2, will be about what I think of some of his followers, the ones who came to my wedding but should have stayed home.
First of all, if there is a God, I don't think he gave much thought or care at all to the fact that I got married, to a woman, or anyone else because he is probably very, very busy with much larger matters. BUT, if he does give a shit, I'm sure he smiled that day when our wedding came on his radar for a brief moment. Because really, if God is good and God is love, how can you not smile at such an outpouring of happiness and love as we experienced that day? From Catie's family and my family. From Catie's friends and my friends and our friends. They spoke so many messages of love to us during the ceremony. 
Many traveled great distances to be there, more than 20 from out of state. How can so much love be regarded by anyone as wrong?But there is another way I know he would have been smiling. Because all day Saturday it rained. And all day Sunday it was cloudy and looked like it was going to rain. And Sunday night - scattered showers off and on. But right before and all during our ceremony...
The clouds broke. The sun shined down upon us. And clearly, God was displeased.
Plus that trelis that looks like it was made to be there, and added so much beauty to our setting - left behind, like a gift from the gods, by the people married there the day before.Also, as Catie will tell you, it is nearly impossible for me to be comfortable with temperature. I have comfort range of like 5 degrees. If it isn't somewhere between 67 and 73, I'm too cold or too hot. That afternoon I do believe it was about 70. I couldn't have scripted the weather better myself. Also, our entire honeymoon, barely a cloud in the sky and low 70's the whole week.
I'm just saying...
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Something Old, Something New
So we weren't particularly concerned with having something old, something new, something borrowed or something blue until the 9th or 10th person asked us if were going to. Which means we had no plans for this.
But I think we still managed to sort of meet the requirements.
Something old: Catie's undershirt.
Something new: Practically everything else we were wearing.
Something borrowed: The ceremony. We aren't Quakers. But we basically took all our ideas for our wedding, from those that are used in a Friends wedding. The type of ceremony and the signing of the certifcate. All borrowed from them. I hope they don't mind. But after talking to a friend one day about what I wanted, she told me to check out Friends' ceremonies. And what do you know, it was exactly the type of thing I had in mind.
Although, after exploring in preparation for the big day, I told Catie that if I wasn't far too lazy and uncommitted to be a part of a religious structure, I would definitely consider being a Quaker. They are pretty awesome. That's my mom in the picture signing our certificate. There will be more about the certificate later, in the "Things that went wrong" blog entry.
And of course, Something blue: Catie's underwear. I know she will be thrilled that I shared that with all of you.
But I think we still managed to sort of meet the requirements.
Something old: Catie's undershirt.
Something new: Practically everything else we were wearing.
Something borrowed: The ceremony. We aren't Quakers. But we basically took all our ideas for our wedding, from those that are used in a Friends wedding. The type of ceremony and the signing of the certifcate. All borrowed from them. I hope they don't mind. But after talking to a friend one day about what I wanted, she told me to check out Friends' ceremonies. And what do you know, it was exactly the type of thing I had in mind.
Although, after exploring in preparation for the big day, I told Catie that if I wasn't far too lazy and uncommitted to be a part of a religious structure, I would definitely consider being a Quaker. They are pretty awesome. That's my mom in the picture signing our certificate. There will be more about the certificate later, in the "Things that went wrong" blog entry.
And of course, Something blue: Catie's underwear. I know she will be thrilled that I shared that with all of you.
Monday, September 5, 2011
The Big Day: Part 1 of ?
I think I will do this in several short entries because it seems impossible to capture everything at once. And before you ask, don't worry, there will be pictures...eventually.
First a rundown of what we did and didn't do/have and how I feel about it now.
Rehearsal Dinner
Small affair with just our parents, siblings and their spouses, 2 friends who are immediate family to me by choice, and 1 other friend who was the only person technically in the wedding. This was PERFECT. At 16 people the group was small enough for everyone to get to talk to each other and get to know one another. And it didn't feel like anyone who really should have been there was excluded. It was also at a casual mexican restaurant which meant it was very easy going and relaxed. It also wasn't overwhelming for Catie and I.
There was another gathering after dinner at the hotel with dessert and drinks that my parents hosted for my many friends and family from out of town. Catie and I did not attend this. I feel a little bad that we didn't spend the extra time with these people, but no regrets about it since we had too much to do the night before and also took some time to relax by ourselves.
I wouldn't change a thing about the Rehearsal Dinner.
Photographer
We didn't have one. The jury is still out on whether or not I think this was wise. I think it will end up being just fine. Catie's sister Cally and my cousin Jessica were both snapping away. I feel very confident that between the two of them there will be at least a few wonderful photos worthy of framing and plenty of others to go in the album. I am also extremely grateful that they both spent so much of their time doing this. And owe them both a big THANK YOU.
There also seemed to be plenty of other people taking pictures and we asked all of them to upload them to a snapfish account. There are a couple of shots that I would have liked that we didn't get. So that is a bit of a bummer. But on the whole, I don't think I'll regret foregoing the photographer. It saved A LOT of money, and I think we will have plenty of photos to cherish.
DJ
We didn't have one. We just rented the sound equipment. I have NO REGRETS about this. I feel a bit bad that Catie's brother, Matt. had to spend a some time hanging out taking care of the music. And that Catie kept obsessing about things being to loud or quiet. And I did have a moment of panic when it came to getting someone to announce the first dance, but our brother-in-law, Bob, took care of that for us. And in the end it all went pretty smooth. Plus, running everything off our computer gave our friends the chance to go set up a play-list later in the evening called, "Taking Over". Which was fine by us. Our goal with the music was to get the people who wanted to dance out there dancing, and for the most part they were. A couple of lulls on the dance floor but never for long. And being able to have complete control and choice of songs was well worth any disadvantage of not having a DJ. If I were doing it again, I wouldn't do anything differently.
For the ceremony, we had a disc of music we ran from a boom box. It was 30 minutes long. We had a friend hit play at 4:00. Pause it for a moment at the second to last song. We walked down the aisle during the last song. And it wasn't in repeat, so no one had to turn it off. Cheap, easy, and for us worked out just fine. We had exactly the music we wanted. And I don't think anyone present cared that it wasn't some professional set up. NO REGRETS
Decorations
With the help of family and friends we did everything ourselves. It was time consuming, and in the end possible didn't save all that much. But it was so worth it. Everything looked exactly how I wanted it to. And to me, fresh beautiful flowers don't need much other fanfare to go with them. We bought all our flowers from wherever the day before, and sisters, friends and cousins formed an assembly line of cutting and vase stuffing. We did have to go to about 8 different area stores to find all the specific flowers I wanted. So maybe just ordering them would have been better. BUT the flower budget is the only budget that we actually came in UNDER budget at. And we had more than we needed. And it just looked fantastic. So in the end, I wouldn't do this differently either. Also, I just tried out a few cost calculators and wholesalers online. I'd say we cut costs by over 50% by doing everything ourselves.
We also skipped any and all flowers for ourselves and family. We had no attendants, so we didn't need flowers for them. This saved a fortune. And didn't seem to be missed by anyone. Catie and I never wanted to carry bouquets, so this was an easy decision. We actually had meant to get corsages for our moms, but forgot. They didn't seem to be missing having them. Certainly the day was made no more or less wonderful for anyone because they didn't get a boutineer.
And we had 0 decorations for the ceremony. Well, this isn't true. We paid for 0 decorations for the ceremony except for 1 table cloth. It was outdoors. In a beautiful setting. Why would we need to decorate??? And, in a stroke of unbelievable luck, the people who had gotten married there the day before had left behind this beautiful archway thingy made of branches. So this part of our budget cost 20 dollars for the table cloth. And I definitely have NO REGRETS here.
Cake
Done by friend. Tasted FANTASTIC. And looked AWESOME. I'll admit, no matter how confident you are in a friend, there is some trepidation that comes with going this route rather than with someone who does this for a living. But It was perfect for us. And I'm not sure I'll be able to thank Becca enough for this. The only cost to us was cost of ingredients. So our savings was tremendous and this was an unbelievable wedding gift to receive from someone. Definitely no regrets here.
Ok, that is it for this post!
First a rundown of what we did and didn't do/have and how I feel about it now.
Rehearsal Dinner
Small affair with just our parents, siblings and their spouses, 2 friends who are immediate family to me by choice, and 1 other friend who was the only person technically in the wedding. This was PERFECT. At 16 people the group was small enough for everyone to get to talk to each other and get to know one another. And it didn't feel like anyone who really should have been there was excluded. It was also at a casual mexican restaurant which meant it was very easy going and relaxed. It also wasn't overwhelming for Catie and I.
There was another gathering after dinner at the hotel with dessert and drinks that my parents hosted for my many friends and family from out of town. Catie and I did not attend this. I feel a little bad that we didn't spend the extra time with these people, but no regrets about it since we had too much to do the night before and also took some time to relax by ourselves.
I wouldn't change a thing about the Rehearsal Dinner.
Photographer
We didn't have one. The jury is still out on whether or not I think this was wise. I think it will end up being just fine. Catie's sister Cally and my cousin Jessica were both snapping away. I feel very confident that between the two of them there will be at least a few wonderful photos worthy of framing and plenty of others to go in the album. I am also extremely grateful that they both spent so much of their time doing this. And owe them both a big THANK YOU.
There also seemed to be plenty of other people taking pictures and we asked all of them to upload them to a snapfish account. There are a couple of shots that I would have liked that we didn't get. So that is a bit of a bummer. But on the whole, I don't think I'll regret foregoing the photographer. It saved A LOT of money, and I think we will have plenty of photos to cherish.
DJ
We didn't have one. We just rented the sound equipment. I have NO REGRETS about this. I feel a bit bad that Catie's brother, Matt. had to spend a some time hanging out taking care of the music. And that Catie kept obsessing about things being to loud or quiet. And I did have a moment of panic when it came to getting someone to announce the first dance, but our brother-in-law, Bob, took care of that for us. And in the end it all went pretty smooth. Plus, running everything off our computer gave our friends the chance to go set up a play-list later in the evening called, "Taking Over". Which was fine by us. Our goal with the music was to get the people who wanted to dance out there dancing, and for the most part they were. A couple of lulls on the dance floor but never for long. And being able to have complete control and choice of songs was well worth any disadvantage of not having a DJ. If I were doing it again, I wouldn't do anything differently.
For the ceremony, we had a disc of music we ran from a boom box. It was 30 minutes long. We had a friend hit play at 4:00. Pause it for a moment at the second to last song. We walked down the aisle during the last song. And it wasn't in repeat, so no one had to turn it off. Cheap, easy, and for us worked out just fine. We had exactly the music we wanted. And I don't think anyone present cared that it wasn't some professional set up. NO REGRETS
Decorations
With the help of family and friends we did everything ourselves. It was time consuming, and in the end possible didn't save all that much. But it was so worth it. Everything looked exactly how I wanted it to. And to me, fresh beautiful flowers don't need much other fanfare to go with them. We bought all our flowers from wherever the day before, and sisters, friends and cousins formed an assembly line of cutting and vase stuffing. We did have to go to about 8 different area stores to find all the specific flowers I wanted. So maybe just ordering them would have been better. BUT the flower budget is the only budget that we actually came in UNDER budget at. And we had more than we needed. And it just looked fantastic. So in the end, I wouldn't do this differently either. Also, I just tried out a few cost calculators and wholesalers online. I'd say we cut costs by over 50% by doing everything ourselves.
We also skipped any and all flowers for ourselves and family. We had no attendants, so we didn't need flowers for them. This saved a fortune. And didn't seem to be missed by anyone. Catie and I never wanted to carry bouquets, so this was an easy decision. We actually had meant to get corsages for our moms, but forgot. They didn't seem to be missing having them. Certainly the day was made no more or less wonderful for anyone because they didn't get a boutineer.
And we had 0 decorations for the ceremony. Well, this isn't true. We paid for 0 decorations for the ceremony except for 1 table cloth. It was outdoors. In a beautiful setting. Why would we need to decorate??? And, in a stroke of unbelievable luck, the people who had gotten married there the day before had left behind this beautiful archway thingy made of branches. So this part of our budget cost 20 dollars for the table cloth. And I definitely have NO REGRETS here.
Cake
Done by friend. Tasted FANTASTIC. And looked AWESOME. I'll admit, no matter how confident you are in a friend, there is some trepidation that comes with going this route rather than with someone who does this for a living. But It was perfect for us. And I'm not sure I'll be able to thank Becca enough for this. The only cost to us was cost of ingredients. So our savings was tremendous and this was an unbelievable wedding gift to receive from someone. Definitely no regrets here.
Ok, that is it for this post!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Wedding Update
I'm not even sure I remember how to do this, it has been so long.
The Dress
Had a fitting last week. It was great except there was some funkiness with the length, some of which, for reasons I still can't quite understand, can't be totally fixed. But I'm told it will look much better. Let's hope so, because my next fitting is August 17th. There won't be time for any more alterations after that.
Catie's Duds
Catie's first shirt arrived and didn't fit. The second one does, but the sleeves are too long. She still doesn't have pants. I am hoping to get these purchased tomorrow and then take both the shirt and pants (if they need it) to a tailor. Anyone have any recommendations? I have no idea how hard it is to shorten sleeves.
The Invitations/The Lesbian Bride Had a Total Meltdown
The day Catie was going to mail the invitations, she noticed something. We had no time for the ceremony anywhere on the invite. And of course all the invites were already sealed and ready to be mailed. I, having just got off work, and having worked a ridiculous 60 some odd hours that week, lost my shit. Catie more sensibly called my sisters and they miraculously made everything all better. Heather realized they could fit it in at the top of the invite and indeed, it looked like it was always supposed to be there. And then Catie reprinted and reassembled while Heather and Hillary carefully opened all 65 invites, and then carefully glued the envelopes back together. I took a nap.
RSVPs
To be fair, we are actually doing fairly well in this department. I think we have 75% returned. But that doesn't mean that the ones that haven't been returned aren't making me totally batty. What's the hold up, yo? I do know in a couple of cases the people aren't sure if they can attend or not yet, but some other people apparently just have a need to make us wait. Also, more than 1/3 of our guests have opted for the vegetarian entree. Who knew?
Losing My Control Freak Ways
Well, more like too tired to be a control freak. 62 hours of overtime in a 4 week time span has made me say things like, "I don't care what the cake looks like. You take care of that. I don't even want to know what is happening anymore." And also, "Get whichever bags you want for the favors. You have good taste. They'll be cute. I just don't care anymore." And, "I don't care what kind of cookies. (sister tells me something I can't quite hear because I've dropped my cell phone 4 times in the last week and it is barely functioning) Those sound great."
I will admit though, I'm starting to get a little nervous about this whole, we'll-just-wing-it-on-the-flowers-the-day-of plan. It seems like a very risky proposition now.
In 7 more days I will done with my crazy work schedule, I will also only have 4 weeks until the wedding. Eek. Expect to hear more from me then.
The Dress
Had a fitting last week. It was great except there was some funkiness with the length, some of which, for reasons I still can't quite understand, can't be totally fixed. But I'm told it will look much better. Let's hope so, because my next fitting is August 17th. There won't be time for any more alterations after that.
Catie's Duds
Catie's first shirt arrived and didn't fit. The second one does, but the sleeves are too long. She still doesn't have pants. I am hoping to get these purchased tomorrow and then take both the shirt and pants (if they need it) to a tailor. Anyone have any recommendations? I have no idea how hard it is to shorten sleeves.
The Invitations/The Lesbian Bride Had a Total Meltdown
The day Catie was going to mail the invitations, she noticed something. We had no time for the ceremony anywhere on the invite. And of course all the invites were already sealed and ready to be mailed. I, having just got off work, and having worked a ridiculous 60 some odd hours that week, lost my shit. Catie more sensibly called my sisters and they miraculously made everything all better. Heather realized they could fit it in at the top of the invite and indeed, it looked like it was always supposed to be there. And then Catie reprinted and reassembled while Heather and Hillary carefully opened all 65 invites, and then carefully glued the envelopes back together. I took a nap.
RSVPs
To be fair, we are actually doing fairly well in this department. I think we have 75% returned. But that doesn't mean that the ones that haven't been returned aren't making me totally batty. What's the hold up, yo? I do know in a couple of cases the people aren't sure if they can attend or not yet, but some other people apparently just have a need to make us wait. Also, more than 1/3 of our guests have opted for the vegetarian entree. Who knew?
Losing My Control Freak Ways
Well, more like too tired to be a control freak. 62 hours of overtime in a 4 week time span has made me say things like, "I don't care what the cake looks like. You take care of that. I don't even want to know what is happening anymore." And also, "Get whichever bags you want for the favors. You have good taste. They'll be cute. I just don't care anymore." And, "I don't care what kind of cookies. (sister tells me something I can't quite hear because I've dropped my cell phone 4 times in the last week and it is barely functioning) Those sound great."
I will admit though, I'm starting to get a little nervous about this whole, we'll-just-wing-it-on-the-flowers-the-day-of plan. It seems like a very risky proposition now.
In 7 more days I will done with my crazy work schedule, I will also only have 4 weeks until the wedding. Eek. Expect to hear more from me then.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Wedding Update: The dress
It has been a really long time since I last updated. Almost two months. Sometimes it is hard to find the time and energy. Life has been full, with ups and downs. And it was always my intent to keep this blog sort of focused on the wedding (with an occasional spattering of politics) but it can be hard to write about these things when so much else is on my mind. But anyway...
I got my dress! I thought it would be a terribly traumatic event. But I looked online. I found a dress I liked at David's Bridal. I made an appointment. I went with Catie. I tried on 4 dresses.
Dress number 1 was HIDEOUS. White and frumpy and horrible.
Dress number 2 was my second favorite. I actually really liked it. And it looked decent on me. But it was A WEDDING DRESS. Super formal. And a whole lot of dress. Too much for what our day will be like.
Dress number 3 was my favorite from online. It is tea length, layered in lace with some touches of beading all over and a matching little bolero jacket. It is adorable. It is currently hanging in my spare room, awaiting a fitting in June. :D
Dress number 4 was sort of cool, but totally not me. It would be me if I was 45. And getting married for the second time. Catie said it made me look like a vampire, in a cool, sexy way I hope.
So in the end, not painful at all. But probably because I already knew what I want. If had gone in there with no idea what I wanted, it would not have been fun.
Also, I think it was good that I only brought Catie with me, who I instructed in advance to lie to me if she could tell I was in love with something she didn't really care for. When you already know what you want, the last thing you need is 3 or 4 different opinions about what you should get. And I'm really not a big fan of having lots of people focusing their attention on me. So my advice to all you brides-to-be out there - If having 4 or 5 people critique your taste is not your thing, don't feel like you have to bring a crowd with you. They will get over not coming with if you explain why you didn't want them there. And you can always do what I'm doing, invite them to a fitting and ask them to help you accessorize. Then they can still be a part of the experience in some way.
You can click on dress 2 and 3 to see what they look like. Although the models look better in both of them than I do. So keep that in mind when you see me in #3 on my wedding day! Sadly I couldn't find pictures of dress 1 and 4. Perhaps because #1 is too hideous to display online, it could scare customers off.
Now we just have to figure out what Catie is wearing. In case you were wondering, it definitely won't be a dress.
I got my dress! I thought it would be a terribly traumatic event. But I looked online. I found a dress I liked at David's Bridal. I made an appointment. I went with Catie. I tried on 4 dresses.
Dress number 1 was HIDEOUS. White and frumpy and horrible.
Dress number 2 was my second favorite. I actually really liked it. And it looked decent on me. But it was A WEDDING DRESS. Super formal. And a whole lot of dress. Too much for what our day will be like.
Dress number 3 was my favorite from online. It is tea length, layered in lace with some touches of beading all over and a matching little bolero jacket. It is adorable. It is currently hanging in my spare room, awaiting a fitting in June. :D
Dress number 4 was sort of cool, but totally not me. It would be me if I was 45. And getting married for the second time. Catie said it made me look like a vampire, in a cool, sexy way I hope.
So in the end, not painful at all. But probably because I already knew what I want. If had gone in there with no idea what I wanted, it would not have been fun.
Also, I think it was good that I only brought Catie with me, who I instructed in advance to lie to me if she could tell I was in love with something she didn't really care for. When you already know what you want, the last thing you need is 3 or 4 different opinions about what you should get. And I'm really not a big fan of having lots of people focusing their attention on me. So my advice to all you brides-to-be out there - If having 4 or 5 people critique your taste is not your thing, don't feel like you have to bring a crowd with you. They will get over not coming with if you explain why you didn't want them there. And you can always do what I'm doing, invite them to a fitting and ask them to help you accessorize. Then they can still be a part of the experience in some way.
You can click on dress 2 and 3 to see what they look like. Although the models look better in both of them than I do. So keep that in mind when you see me in #3 on my wedding day! Sadly I couldn't find pictures of dress 1 and 4. Perhaps because #1 is too hideous to display online, it could scare customers off.
Now we just have to figure out what Catie is wearing. In case you were wondering, it definitely won't be a dress.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tasting, Yay! (And Why You Won't Be Eating Pork or Beef)
Mostly working on the wedding gives me a headache. But so far, some things have been quite fun.
I already mentioned that registering was sort of fun. But I also really enjoyed the tasting.
Duh right? But I was sort of dreading it as all social interactions with strangers make me ridiculously nervous. But my nerves were overcome by the fact that I had been on weight watchers for 4 weeks at that point and all this incredibly delicious food was put in front of me and I had to eat it. No choice. Guilt-free eating.
So last Thursday my mom, Catie, and I headed to Hubbard Park Lodge to meet with their banquet manager and chef and try out the food. I must add, Hubbard Park is gorgeous in the winter. And very cold.
I had anticipated that there would be disagreement between Catie, Mom and I over what would be good. The salads came out. Two kinds of salad. Three kinds of dressing and a unanimous decision about which combo was best. Huh. Well that was easy.
On to the veggies. Two choices. And again, all 3 of us liked the same one best. Weird.
Next set of choices, the starch. And here I totally think the fact that we are all on weight watchers totally helped us to agree. What deprived fat girl isn't going to choose creamy buttery mashed potatoes over wild rice? So good.
Finally, the entrees. I was the most nervous about these, because we were only getting to try the 3 we planned on offering as our choices, so if we didn't like one, we'd be making a different selection blind. Vegetarian option - All three of us agreed, so good. Fish option - quite tasty. Finally, chicken, and the last curve-ball: three different sauce choices. Sauce one: We all thought it was good, but nothing special. Sauce two: Interesting, very tasty. Sauce three: Well, as my mom put it as she sipped the remaining sauce straight from the bowl with a spoon, "This could be soup. I could eat a cup of this without the chicken." All three of us were in love with it.
I am quite certain that a circumstance where my mother, myself, and Catie have to all agree on 4 different decisions and will have complete agreement on one of them, much less 4, will never ever occur again. So the tasting gets a big smiley face and added to the fun column.
Everyone keeps telling me I won't get to eat at my wedding, I hope this isn't true. But at least I got to enjoy the tasting.
It was also nice to sit down in the lodge with the banquet manager and discuss some of the details of what would be happening without lot of other people around. We'd been to the lodge before for friday fish fry and the sunday brunch, but it was great to get a good feel for the space again without distractions. The experience overall put me a lot more at ease when thinking about the big day.
PS: If you are wondering where the beef or the pork is, I don't eat it. The pork and beef industry is extremely bad for the environment. And pigs are very smart and sensitive animals. I don't feel right about eating them, or encouraging others to do so. While I have issues with the fishing and poultry industries as well, I still personally eat seafood and poultry and have fewer qualms about it. So while I don't judge others for eating what they like, you'll forgive me if I don't want to supply it for you.
I already mentioned that registering was sort of fun. But I also really enjoyed the tasting.
Duh right? But I was sort of dreading it as all social interactions with strangers make me ridiculously nervous. But my nerves were overcome by the fact that I had been on weight watchers for 4 weeks at that point and all this incredibly delicious food was put in front of me and I had to eat it. No choice. Guilt-free eating.
So last Thursday my mom, Catie, and I headed to Hubbard Park Lodge to meet with their banquet manager and chef and try out the food. I must add, Hubbard Park is gorgeous in the winter. And very cold.
I had anticipated that there would be disagreement between Catie, Mom and I over what would be good. The salads came out. Two kinds of salad. Three kinds of dressing and a unanimous decision about which combo was best. Huh. Well that was easy.
On to the veggies. Two choices. And again, all 3 of us liked the same one best. Weird.
Next set of choices, the starch. And here I totally think the fact that we are all on weight watchers totally helped us to agree. What deprived fat girl isn't going to choose creamy buttery mashed potatoes over wild rice? So good.
Finally, the entrees. I was the most nervous about these, because we were only getting to try the 3 we planned on offering as our choices, so if we didn't like one, we'd be making a different selection blind. Vegetarian option - All three of us agreed, so good. Fish option - quite tasty. Finally, chicken, and the last curve-ball: three different sauce choices. Sauce one: We all thought it was good, but nothing special. Sauce two: Interesting, very tasty. Sauce three: Well, as my mom put it as she sipped the remaining sauce straight from the bowl with a spoon, "This could be soup. I could eat a cup of this without the chicken." All three of us were in love with it.
I am quite certain that a circumstance where my mother, myself, and Catie have to all agree on 4 different decisions and will have complete agreement on one of them, much less 4, will never ever occur again. So the tasting gets a big smiley face and added to the fun column.
Everyone keeps telling me I won't get to eat at my wedding, I hope this isn't true. But at least I got to enjoy the tasting.
It was also nice to sit down in the lodge with the banquet manager and discuss some of the details of what would be happening without lot of other people around. We'd been to the lodge before for friday fish fry and the sunday brunch, but it was great to get a good feel for the space again without distractions. The experience overall put me a lot more at ease when thinking about the big day.
PS: If you are wondering where the beef or the pork is, I don't eat it. The pork and beef industry is extremely bad for the environment. And pigs are very smart and sensitive animals. I don't feel right about eating them, or encouraging others to do so. While I have issues with the fishing and poultry industries as well, I still personally eat seafood and poultry and have fewer qualms about it. So while I don't judge others for eating what they like, you'll forgive me if I don't want to supply it for you.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Education - Our Epic Fail
When I went to grade school I had art classes with an art teacher, music classes with a music teacher, gym classes with a gym teacher, and a Librarian to help discover the wonder of reading. No one expected that my regular teacher, who already worked hard enough, would also expect to be all of these things as well, oh and by the way, be paid less than a baby-sitter is for doing it.
I don't understand why adults of today don't think that children of today deserve the same opportunities as part of their public education. I don't understand why we are so selfish and mean. I don't understand why people think we can have all these things for free. They cost money.
We are taxed for a reason. Roads aren't free, government isn't free, a military isn't free. Nothing is free. Why do people have such a problem paying taxes?
Why do people who make hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars have such a problem paying more taxes when they can easily afford it? Why should someone who makes $100,000 have to pay more than someone who makes $40,000? Because they can afford to and because it is the right thing to do. We need all kinds of workers to make this world run. Not all of us can be the millionaires. You are lucky enough to be one of them. Then fucking realize how fortunate you are and be happy you are able to give more.
I can't easily afford it. I make about $30,000 a year, and yet I would GLADLY give another $1000 of my very hard earned money if it went towards our schools.
I just do not understand why we can't give our children what they deserve. I'm disgusted with this country. With our government. And with people who are lucky to have so much but aren't willing to share it with a child. Did you work hard for your millions? Good for you. I work fucking hard for my thousands too. And I'm willing to give what I can, not what I want to, but what I can for what is needed. Why aren't you??
I know these issues are more complex than this. But only because we make them so.
If all you righteous but incredibly selfish people out there are right, and there is a hell, I hope your greed one day lands you there to burn in it.
I realize this is way off topic for The Lesbian Bride, but these are mad times we live in, and sometimes my wedding just seems like the least important thing the world, and I'd rather spend my energy writing about something that really matters.
I don't understand why adults of today don't think that children of today deserve the same opportunities as part of their public education. I don't understand why we are so selfish and mean. I don't understand why people think we can have all these things for free. They cost money.
We are taxed for a reason. Roads aren't free, government isn't free, a military isn't free. Nothing is free. Why do people have such a problem paying taxes?
Why do people who make hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars have such a problem paying more taxes when they can easily afford it? Why should someone who makes $100,000 have to pay more than someone who makes $40,000? Because they can afford to and because it is the right thing to do. We need all kinds of workers to make this world run. Not all of us can be the millionaires. You are lucky enough to be one of them. Then fucking realize how fortunate you are and be happy you are able to give more.
I can't easily afford it. I make about $30,000 a year, and yet I would GLADLY give another $1000 of my very hard earned money if it went towards our schools.
I just do not understand why we can't give our children what they deserve. I'm disgusted with this country. With our government. And with people who are lucky to have so much but aren't willing to share it with a child. Did you work hard for your millions? Good for you. I work fucking hard for my thousands too. And I'm willing to give what I can, not what I want to, but what I can for what is needed. Why aren't you??
I know these issues are more complex than this. But only because we make them so.
If all you righteous but incredibly selfish people out there are right, and there is a hell, I hope your greed one day lands you there to burn in it.
I realize this is way off topic for The Lesbian Bride, but these are mad times we live in, and sometimes my wedding just seems like the least important thing the world, and I'd rather spend my energy writing about something that really matters.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
What We Really Need
Catie and I had many a debate over registering for gifts for our wedding. She was initially dead-set against it saying we don't need anything and she doesn't want anyone to get us anything. I will mention here that we are having no wedding showers, for this same reason. I don't entirely disagree, but whether we want them to or not, people who are invited to a wedding will bring a gift. And I didn't want 23 vases that I'll never use.
So then I had the idea of registering for charity. And in fact the Human Rights Campaign has a Wedding Registry. Ding. Ding. Ding.
We might not need things, but we really could use legal recognition and equal status with straight couples. And hopefully, the HRC will one day help us get that. A perfect fit. Catie agreed. Haley and Catie's HRC Wedding Registry.
Of course, many people pointed out that some people will still want to give us a gift. So we also registered the traditional way at Target and Crate&Barrel. And admittedly, that was sort of fun to do. Who didn't like making a wish list for Santa as a kid? Registering is sort of like that.
Target was easy. You sight up on line, go in, get a gun, start scanning, give the gun back, and you are on your way.
Crate&Barrel we weren't so sure about, so we asked a sales associate and the following awkward conversation happened.
"Can I help you?"
"We were interested in registering for our wedding."
"Which one of you is going to be getting married?"
Oy.
Normally I have a short temper and that kind of thing puts me off. But I've long been a Crate&Barrel fan. Even when I was broke in Boston I'd save up my pennies and stop in there for some random kitchen accessory I didn't really need. That and we both found a set of dishes we loved there, something we couldn't accomplish in Target where strangely, most of their dishes aren't microwave safe. WTF Target? Dishes you can't microwave in this day and age?
In the end we just did it on line. Much less headache.
So I'm still hoping most people who wish to generously give us something for our wedding make a donation to the HRC on our behalf, but if not, new dishes are always nice too, or a badminton set, whatever floats your boat.
So then I had the idea of registering for charity. And in fact the Human Rights Campaign has a Wedding Registry. Ding. Ding. Ding.
We might not need things, but we really could use legal recognition and equal status with straight couples. And hopefully, the HRC will one day help us get that. A perfect fit. Catie agreed. Haley and Catie's HRC Wedding Registry.
Of course, many people pointed out that some people will still want to give us a gift. So we also registered the traditional way at Target and Crate&Barrel. And admittedly, that was sort of fun to do. Who didn't like making a wish list for Santa as a kid? Registering is sort of like that.
Target was easy. You sight up on line, go in, get a gun, start scanning, give the gun back, and you are on your way.
Crate&Barrel we weren't so sure about, so we asked a sales associate and the following awkward conversation happened.
"Can I help you?"
"We were interested in registering for our wedding."
"Which one of you is going to be getting married?"
Oy.
Normally I have a short temper and that kind of thing puts me off. But I've long been a Crate&Barrel fan. Even when I was broke in Boston I'd save up my pennies and stop in there for some random kitchen accessory I didn't really need. That and we both found a set of dishes we loved there, something we couldn't accomplish in Target where strangely, most of their dishes aren't microwave safe. WTF Target? Dishes you can't microwave in this day and age?
In the end we just did it on line. Much less headache.
So I'm still hoping most people who wish to generously give us something for our wedding make a donation to the HRC on our behalf, but if not, new dishes are always nice too, or a badminton set, whatever floats your boat.
Hotels, Tastings and Sound. Oh My.
This week is a busy one for the lesbian bride. And her Wife to be. And her Dad.
This week we, and by we I mean my dad, called around to area hotels to inquire about setting up a block of rooms. It was hard to decide on where to do it as there aren't really any hotels right by the wedding and reception site. Finally we decided on looking at the hotels near where my family mostly lives, which is also close to where Catie and I live. At least this way everyone will be close to each other for other goings-on or get-togethers or car-pooling or whatever.
We settled on the Crowne Plaza in Wauwatosa. Catie and I have been inside it before and it is really nice. They did not give the "bride and groom" a free room as some other hotels were offering, but they will give us an up-grade to a suite. I didn't even know any of this was a perk of reserving a block of rooms, my dad told me and I was like, wooohooo. We weren't planning on staying in a hotel, since we live here, but I have to admit it might be nice to get ready without worrying about cat hair or a messy house or any of the other reasons being at home can be stressful. Plus it was about 30% off of their normal rate for our guests. Bonus.
Hotels of the world, you need to get with the program though, and stop asking for the bride and groom's info. My poor dad would check every single time if it was okay if it was a bride and bride. How about just asking for the happy couple's info or something?
Tomorrow we are headed to taste our food with my mom. Hopefully it tastes fantastic, because if it doesn't, we are pretty much stuck with it anyway. So I'm not sure what the point of the tasting is, but oh well - Free food!
And Friday we go look at sound equipment with my dad, who also set that appointment up for us. Thanks dad!
This week we, and by we I mean my dad, called around to area hotels to inquire about setting up a block of rooms. It was hard to decide on where to do it as there aren't really any hotels right by the wedding and reception site. Finally we decided on looking at the hotels near where my family mostly lives, which is also close to where Catie and I live. At least this way everyone will be close to each other for other goings-on or get-togethers or car-pooling or whatever.
We settled on the Crowne Plaza in Wauwatosa. Catie and I have been inside it before and it is really nice. They did not give the "bride and groom" a free room as some other hotels were offering, but they will give us an up-grade to a suite. I didn't even know any of this was a perk of reserving a block of rooms, my dad told me and I was like, wooohooo. We weren't planning on staying in a hotel, since we live here, but I have to admit it might be nice to get ready without worrying about cat hair or a messy house or any of the other reasons being at home can be stressful. Plus it was about 30% off of their normal rate for our guests. Bonus.
Hotels of the world, you need to get with the program though, and stop asking for the bride and groom's info. My poor dad would check every single time if it was okay if it was a bride and bride. How about just asking for the happy couple's info or something?
Tomorrow we are headed to taste our food with my mom. Hopefully it tastes fantastic, because if it doesn't, we are pretty much stuck with it anyway. So I'm not sure what the point of the tasting is, but oh well - Free food!
And Friday we go look at sound equipment with my dad, who also set that appointment up for us. Thanks dad!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Love Is More Important Than Hate
This shouldn't be the reason I'm posting again after a long absence. I should be posting something happy, and there has been happy progress to post about. But alas, I felt my experience today needed to be shared.
I'll admit, its been a long while since I've personally experienced some act of homophobia, so I guess I'd sort of forgotten what it feels like. Now I remember. Although, I will say that this time I don't feel as bad as I would have in the past. I guess that is because of a lot of factors - being in a better place emotionally, having someone in my life who gives me so much love on a daily basis that hate can't possibly stand up to it, and also watching the DVD Fagbug. One of the things Erin shared while telling her story was some of the positive notes that were left on her car. And after a moment of horror at seeing this:
on my car today, I immediately thought of all the people out there with love in their hearts instead of hate, and all those little notes of positivity. I have to say, it did make me feel a bit better. Still somewhat angry, but not alone, like I used to feel.
By the way, if you were wondering what prompted the note, it was this bumper sticker:
that I proudly have on my dark blue beetle. Its a message of love. I feel a little sorry for whoever left that note on my car, I'd much rather live my life spreading love rather than hate.
On that note, I promise to get back to the business of sharing the happy details of our impending wedding in the very near future.
I'll admit, its been a long while since I've personally experienced some act of homophobia, so I guess I'd sort of forgotten what it feels like. Now I remember. Although, I will say that this time I don't feel as bad as I would have in the past. I guess that is because of a lot of factors - being in a better place emotionally, having someone in my life who gives me so much love on a daily basis that hate can't possibly stand up to it, and also watching the DVD Fagbug. One of the things Erin shared while telling her story was some of the positive notes that were left on her car. And after a moment of horror at seeing this:
on my car today, I immediately thought of all the people out there with love in their hearts instead of hate, and all those little notes of positivity. I have to say, it did make me feel a bit better. Still somewhat angry, but not alone, like I used to feel.
By the way, if you were wondering what prompted the note, it was this bumper sticker:
that I proudly have on my dark blue beetle. Its a message of love. I feel a little sorry for whoever left that note on my car, I'd much rather live my life spreading love rather than hate.
On that note, I promise to get back to the business of sharing the happy details of our impending wedding in the very near future.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
At least you have a choice.
The next time you want to complain about how difficult it is for you get a green card or citizenship for your foreign husband or wife, remember this: AT LEAST YOU HAVE THAT OPTION.
Gay and Lesbian couples do not.
Catie and I live in the same country. Yay for us. We also both previously were in serious relationships with people who were not Americans. So while I'm quite glad that those relationships didn't work out, I'm not at all glad that marrying our former significant others and being able to get them legally into this country was a right we weren't allowed to have. While other couples in this country take it so much for granted that they actually complain about how difficult or expensive it is.
Thousands of Gay and Lesbian couples can't live in the same country, because they don't get the privilege of using marriage as a basis for getting their partners green cards or citizenship. They would pay 5 times as much as you did to be able to have their partners here.
So yeah, I don't really want to listen to you complain about cost or difficulty. At least it is an option for you. Be grateful for that.
Gay and Lesbian couples do not.
Catie and I live in the same country. Yay for us. We also both previously were in serious relationships with people who were not Americans. So while I'm quite glad that those relationships didn't work out, I'm not at all glad that marrying our former significant others and being able to get them legally into this country was a right we weren't allowed to have. While other couples in this country take it so much for granted that they actually complain about how difficult or expensive it is.
Thousands of Gay and Lesbian couples can't live in the same country, because they don't get the privilege of using marriage as a basis for getting their partners green cards or citizenship. They would pay 5 times as much as you did to be able to have their partners here.
So yeah, I don't really want to listen to you complain about cost or difficulty. At least it is an option for you. Be grateful for that.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Wedding or Commitment Ceremony
Wedding.
I am not inviting people to see Catie and I form a domestic partnership. This isn't a business agreement.
There is something terribly off sounding about the phrase commitment ceremony. It lacks the specific joy of joining two lives together, we could be committing to anything.
And this is not a civil union. It has nothing to do with the law.
This is a wedding.
If you believe you are equal, then act like you are. ~Cleve Jones
I am not inviting people to see Catie and I form a domestic partnership. This isn't a business agreement.
There is something terribly off sounding about the phrase commitment ceremony. It lacks the specific joy of joining two lives together, we could be committing to anything.
And this is not a civil union. It has nothing to do with the law.
This is a wedding.
If you believe you are equal, then act like you are. ~Cleve Jones
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wedding Related Bits and Pieces
First, if you get an email from me asking for your address info, please fill out the form and hit submit. You will save me a lot of time, and I will truly appreciate it. You could say I'm being lazy, I say I am being super efficient.
Second, a political season happening while I have "getting married" on the brain is making for a very angry Lesbian Bride. Most of the time when I get the urge to post lately, it would just turn into a political rant. So I don't bother. With the election close at hand though, I will say a couple of things:
1. Gays and Lesbians don't make up a special interest group. We are not asking for anything special. We are asking for exactly the same rights and benefits as straight people.
2. I know there are other issues that matter to people. But I have to ask, how does who is in office really affect you? On a day to day basis? Because having people in office who are anti-lgbt rights affects those of who are LGBTs HUGELY. And not just a couple of extra tax dollars. It can affect if we can be fired from our jobs, it can affect if we can serve in the military, it can affect our ability to adopt children, it can affect our ability to take care of our loved ones, etc. I would happily give up half of my entire salary if it meant I could have the same rights that straight people do. Think about that next time you go to the polls.
3. A lot of the people running this time around aren't your average Republicans. They are seriously conservative, homophobic, and to me down-right hateful people. This is the most nervous I think I have ever been about an election season. I joke with Catie about saying people who vote republican shouldn't be invited to the wedding. But its actually not really a joke. Its kind of how I feel. I mean, we won't do that, because I know some people feel they are supportive of us but have to vote that way because of other issues. But I would hope that at the very least, if anyone we invite has ever voted for a proposition or amendment that opposed gay marriage or lgbt rights, that they would have respect to decline our invitation.
Finally, the "Save the Date" cards/magnets are about 50% complete. Considering we won't be sending them until January, I'd say that is pretty good. I like the way they look. They are cute. When one is completely finished I will post a pic. But they don't necessarily look professionally done. Which is fine with me. But I also think I probably only saved about $30-$60 bucks when its all said and done, so considering the time it takes to do them, I'm not convinced this is the best route.
Although I suppose, at the end, if I add up all the times I save 30-60 bucks during this process, it will probably start to add up. And that will have made the work worth it.
Second, a political season happening while I have "getting married" on the brain is making for a very angry Lesbian Bride. Most of the time when I get the urge to post lately, it would just turn into a political rant. So I don't bother. With the election close at hand though, I will say a couple of things:
1. Gays and Lesbians don't make up a special interest group. We are not asking for anything special. We are asking for exactly the same rights and benefits as straight people.
2. I know there are other issues that matter to people. But I have to ask, how does who is in office really affect you? On a day to day basis? Because having people in office who are anti-lgbt rights affects those of who are LGBTs HUGELY. And not just a couple of extra tax dollars. It can affect if we can be fired from our jobs, it can affect if we can serve in the military, it can affect our ability to adopt children, it can affect our ability to take care of our loved ones, etc. I would happily give up half of my entire salary if it meant I could have the same rights that straight people do. Think about that next time you go to the polls.
3. A lot of the people running this time around aren't your average Republicans. They are seriously conservative, homophobic, and to me down-right hateful people. This is the most nervous I think I have ever been about an election season. I joke with Catie about saying people who vote republican shouldn't be invited to the wedding. But its actually not really a joke. Its kind of how I feel. I mean, we won't do that, because I know some people feel they are supportive of us but have to vote that way because of other issues. But I would hope that at the very least, if anyone we invite has ever voted for a proposition or amendment that opposed gay marriage or lgbt rights, that they would have respect to decline our invitation.
Finally, the "Save the Date" cards/magnets are about 50% complete. Considering we won't be sending them until January, I'd say that is pretty good. I like the way they look. They are cute. When one is completely finished I will post a pic. But they don't necessarily look professionally done. Which is fine with me. But I also think I probably only saved about $30-$60 bucks when its all said and done, so considering the time it takes to do them, I'm not convinced this is the best route.
Although I suppose, at the end, if I add up all the times I save 30-60 bucks during this process, it will probably start to add up. And that will have made the work worth it.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The Officiant
I'm starting to get a little bit panicky. Catie and I have no clue about who we want to officiate the ceremony.
Neither of us are religious, although we both consider ourselves spiritual.
Neither of us go to church. Catie doesn't go at all. I go very very rarely to the UU church in Brookfield. And it seems completely disingenuous for us to suddenly join just so we can have someone officiate at our wedding.
We don't want to pay some random person a big fee when this isn't even legal. I mean seriously, my three old niece could do it if we wanted from a legal stand point. Because its not legal.
I don't want one of our close family members to do it, because that just doesn't feel right. I'm not sure how to explain why. But neither of us has the kind of relationship with any of our family members where we are like "Hey, I'd really love for so-and-so to marry us."
So what do we want?
Someone who knows us, even if just as an acquaintance. Not just some random stranger.
Someone who would be comfortable doing this.
Someone interested in doing this and willing to sit down and talk with us about what we want and what it all means.
Someone who is very spiritual, but not religious or devoted to the idea that only one faith is right.
Someone who understands why two people would bother getting "married" when it has nothing to do with religion or the law.
Someone who feels like they have something meaningful to contribute to this moment.
We are both pretty much at a total loss over who this person could be. Its freaking me out. And I'm sort of beginning to think we should just can the whole ceremony and skip to the party. Even though that isn't what my heart really wants to do.
Neither of us are religious, although we both consider ourselves spiritual.
Neither of us go to church. Catie doesn't go at all. I go very very rarely to the UU church in Brookfield. And it seems completely disingenuous for us to suddenly join just so we can have someone officiate at our wedding.
We don't want to pay some random person a big fee when this isn't even legal. I mean seriously, my three old niece could do it if we wanted from a legal stand point. Because its not legal.
I don't want one of our close family members to do it, because that just doesn't feel right. I'm not sure how to explain why. But neither of us has the kind of relationship with any of our family members where we are like "Hey, I'd really love for so-and-so to marry us."
So what do we want?
Someone who knows us, even if just as an acquaintance. Not just some random stranger.
Someone who would be comfortable doing this.
Someone interested in doing this and willing to sit down and talk with us about what we want and what it all means.
Someone who is very spiritual, but not religious or devoted to the idea that only one faith is right.
Someone who understands why two people would bother getting "married" when it has nothing to do with religion or the law.
Someone who feels like they have something meaningful to contribute to this moment.
We are both pretty much at a total loss over who this person could be. Its freaking me out. And I'm sort of beginning to think we should just can the whole ceremony and skip to the party. Even though that isn't what my heart really wants to do.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
PSA: It Really Does Get Better
This post has absolutely nothing to do with my wedding. And lord knows there are only about 25 people reading this blog regularly. But I'm determined to get this message out through every venue I have at my disposal.
After hearing about the 4th suicide by a gay youth in recent weeks my heart is seriously breaking. Don't know what I'm talking about? Read HERE.
But there is also a project happening out there that can maybe fill kids with a little hope. Its called the It Gets Better Project. And its happening on You Tube thanks to Dan Savage and so many others who are sharing their stories of hope at the It Gets Better Project channel on youtube.
I hope you will take a look at it. But more importantly I hope you will share this link with everyone you know, and encourage everyone you know to share it with everyone they know. Because who knows, somewhere, on someone's flist there may be a gay teen lurking. And maybe they'll listen to some of the vids and find a little bit of hope.
God knows I wish I could tell them it really truly does get better because it does. For me the proof of that is in this blog. I have an amazing partner and a life with her that is so much better than I ever expected was going to happen when I was a teenager.
After hearing about the 4th suicide by a gay youth in recent weeks my heart is seriously breaking. Don't know what I'm talking about? Read HERE.
But there is also a project happening out there that can maybe fill kids with a little hope. Its called the It Gets Better Project. And its happening on You Tube thanks to Dan Savage and so many others who are sharing their stories of hope at the It Gets Better Project channel on youtube.
I hope you will take a look at it. But more importantly I hope you will share this link with everyone you know, and encourage everyone you know to share it with everyone they know. Because who knows, somewhere, on someone's flist there may be a gay teen lurking. And maybe they'll listen to some of the vids and find a little bit of hope.
God knows I wish I could tell them it really truly does get better because it does. For me the proof of that is in this blog. I have an amazing partner and a life with her that is so much better than I ever expected was going to happen when I was a teenager.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The Latter Day Bride?
Oh world. You mock me.
Whilst searching the internets far and wide for a dress with a high back I clicked on this link: www.latterdaybride.com.
Yes. Really.
And if you are wondering why I even clicked the link? Wouldn't you have done so? My curiosity overwhelmed me.
Now, being a lesbian, one wouldn't expect that I would go wedding dress shopping on a Latter Day website.
And to add to the irony, one wouldn't expect that a website devoted to dressing the very people who work so hard to keep my marriage illegal would be the only website, in all the vast internets, that has dress after dress on it that I like.
On the other hand. While then reading up on the LDS church and its views against gay marriage, I stumbled upon this website: Mormons for Marriage. Now, if you are like me, your automatic assumption would probably be that this is yet another website devoted to proclaiming why gay marriage is wrong. However, it is not. I was pleasantly surprised to discover it is actually a website for Mormons who support Marriage Equality. And a tiny amount of the bitterness in my soul was erased.
Now, I don't think it erases enough of the bitterness to actually let me buy a dress from the Latter Day Bride website. But still, it was nice to see.
As for the dress...I guess I shall continue my hopeless searching, until I break down and find a seamstress.
Whilst searching the internets far and wide for a dress with a high back I clicked on this link: www.latterdaybride.com.
Yes. Really.
And if you are wondering why I even clicked the link? Wouldn't you have done so? My curiosity overwhelmed me.
Now, being a lesbian, one wouldn't expect that I would go wedding dress shopping on a Latter Day website.
And to add to the irony, one wouldn't expect that a website devoted to dressing the very people who work so hard to keep my marriage illegal would be the only website, in all the vast internets, that has dress after dress on it that I like.
On the other hand. While then reading up on the LDS church and its views against gay marriage, I stumbled upon this website: Mormons for Marriage. Now, if you are like me, your automatic assumption would probably be that this is yet another website devoted to proclaiming why gay marriage is wrong. However, it is not. I was pleasantly surprised to discover it is actually a website for Mormons who support Marriage Equality. And a tiny amount of the bitterness in my soul was erased.
Now, I don't think it erases enough of the bitterness to actually let me buy a dress from the Latter Day Bride website. But still, it was nice to see.
As for the dress...I guess I shall continue my hopeless searching, until I break down and find a seamstress.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
One Year From Today. Or, Why Should You Have a Wedding?
One year from today Catie and I will be waking up a committed couple. But aren't we already?
I think it could be argued that our marriage really began on October 27th, 2009 when we closed on our first house, together. I mean, suddenly we had joint accounts and joint debts, we weren't just living together. A separation would suddenly get exponentially complicated.
Or maybe our marriage began on June 28th, 2010 when we went down to the county courthouse and raised our right hands and said, "I do." After all, this is the day when our commitment became legal. It might not give all the rights and benefits of marriage under the law, but it still has to be legally undone before we can get hitched to anyone else.
One of our friends, Dan, once said he believed that marriage began privately when you got engaged and publicly when you had the ceremony and celebration. So maybe we got married on June 11th, 2010 when Catie proposed to me at Pride Fest.
So if between the two of us we have affirmed our commitment to each other at least 3 times, and if we are legally already as married as we can be, then why bother with the big expensive shindig?
Well, I think it's partially the second part of what Dan believes, that sharing the moment in celebration with friends and family is how we make this marriage part of the "public" consciousness. It's saying, "Hey world! Guess what? We found someone we want intend to spend the rest our lives with and it is important to us that you all know it." But not just know it. Rather, that you recognize and respect it.
That when you introduce us to new people you don't just say, "This is my daughter or sister or friend _____, and her friend _____." Because you know that our relationship has meaning to it beyond just friendship.
But there is another reason for the party as well. In the words of Brian Kinney, a character from the show Queer as Folk, "The only thing worth celebrating is accomplishment." And I ask you, what the frak is more worth celebrating than two people actually finding someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with?
Anyone who hasn't found that someone until later in life. Anyone who has had to dip their toes repeatedly in the dating pool just to find someone they could tolerate even a second date with. Anyone who has been so burned by love they have thought that the last thing they would ever want to do is look for anything that serious again can tell you what an enormous accomplishment it is to find someone who you choose to change your life for. Because all the things you thought you wanted suddenly seem a tiny bit less important than figuring out how to compromise your wants and needs to make them mesh with someone else's so you can both be happy and still share your lives together.
Actually finding one single person out of the thousands you will encounter in your lifetime, who makes you decide that you want to be married to them is possibly the biggest accomplishment you will ever achieve. So what could be more worth a huge, expensive party? If ever there is a time for ceremony and celebration, this is it.
I think it could be argued that our marriage really began on October 27th, 2009 when we closed on our first house, together. I mean, suddenly we had joint accounts and joint debts, we weren't just living together. A separation would suddenly get exponentially complicated.
Or maybe our marriage began on June 28th, 2010 when we went down to the county courthouse and raised our right hands and said, "I do." After all, this is the day when our commitment became legal. It might not give all the rights and benefits of marriage under the law, but it still has to be legally undone before we can get hitched to anyone else.
One of our friends, Dan, once said he believed that marriage began privately when you got engaged and publicly when you had the ceremony and celebration. So maybe we got married on June 11th, 2010 when Catie proposed to me at Pride Fest.
So if between the two of us we have affirmed our commitment to each other at least 3 times, and if we are legally already as married as we can be, then why bother with the big expensive shindig?
Well, I think it's partially the second part of what Dan believes, that sharing the moment in celebration with friends and family is how we make this marriage part of the "public" consciousness. It's saying, "Hey world! Guess what? We found someone we want intend to spend the rest our lives with and it is important to us that you all know it." But not just know it. Rather, that you recognize and respect it.
That when you introduce us to new people you don't just say, "This is my daughter or sister or friend _____, and her friend _____." Because you know that our relationship has meaning to it beyond just friendship.
But there is another reason for the party as well. In the words of Brian Kinney, a character from the show Queer as Folk, "The only thing worth celebrating is accomplishment." And I ask you, what the frak is more worth celebrating than two people actually finding someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with?
Anyone who hasn't found that someone until later in life. Anyone who has had to dip their toes repeatedly in the dating pool just to find someone they could tolerate even a second date with. Anyone who has been so burned by love they have thought that the last thing they would ever want to do is look for anything that serious again can tell you what an enormous accomplishment it is to find someone who you choose to change your life for. Because all the things you thought you wanted suddenly seem a tiny bit less important than figuring out how to compromise your wants and needs to make them mesh with someone else's so you can both be happy and still share your lives together.
Actually finding one single person out of the thousands you will encounter in your lifetime, who makes you decide that you want to be married to them is possibly the biggest accomplishment you will ever achieve. So what could be more worth a huge, expensive party? If ever there is a time for ceremony and celebration, this is it.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Plus Sized Bride
It's been a while, I know. The last days of summer have been busy for this Lesbian Bride and on Friday my partner and I are headed off on a 11 day road trip out east.
But that doesn't mean that wedding hasn't been on my mind. On the contrary. Among other activities, I've started looking for a dress.
I know. I know. The wedding is still a year away. However, having been attempting to clothe my body for the past 33 years, I am well aware of what a difficult task it is.
1. I am plus sized. Very plus sized. And while I certainly do plan on losing some weight before the big day. Even if I lose 50 lbs, I'm still going to be plus sized.
2. For personal reasons I need a high back. I don't mind exposing the ladies up front a bit, but my back needs to be mostly covered.
3. I want a cap sleeve if at all possible because I get hot easy, but am not super comfortable without anything on my arms/shoulders.
4. The dress does have to fit my tastes. Which aren't actually that picky, but I do have some preferences.
5. I don't have a big budget. But this isn't that hard of one to meet since I'm not necessarily looking for a super formal wedding dress. Just a dress a bit more special than I would usually wear.
Personally I don't think this is a very demanding list, but after looking at roughly 2000 dresses, and that is not an exaggeration, I have seen exactly one that might work. But since its viewed online on a skinny model and is nonrefundable if I buy it, its kind of hard to imagine shelling out a big chunk of change on something that I am just considering settling for because its the only one that is sort of ok.
Now don't worry. I have a year, so I'm not going to jump on this sort of ok dress just yet. My point just is, after looking at around 2000 dresses and only finding one that was sort of ok, I'm feeling like this is going to be sort of a hopeless task.
PS. If you were wondering. The hardest criteria from my list to mee is the #2. The high back. And that one is non-negotiable.
But that doesn't mean that wedding hasn't been on my mind. On the contrary. Among other activities, I've started looking for a dress.
I know. I know. The wedding is still a year away. However, having been attempting to clothe my body for the past 33 years, I am well aware of what a difficult task it is.
1. I am plus sized. Very plus sized. And while I certainly do plan on losing some weight before the big day. Even if I lose 50 lbs, I'm still going to be plus sized.
2. For personal reasons I need a high back. I don't mind exposing the ladies up front a bit, but my back needs to be mostly covered.
3. I want a cap sleeve if at all possible because I get hot easy, but am not super comfortable without anything on my arms/shoulders.
4. The dress does have to fit my tastes. Which aren't actually that picky, but I do have some preferences.
5. I don't have a big budget. But this isn't that hard of one to meet since I'm not necessarily looking for a super formal wedding dress. Just a dress a bit more special than I would usually wear.
Personally I don't think this is a very demanding list, but after looking at roughly 2000 dresses, and that is not an exaggeration, I have seen exactly one that might work. But since its viewed online on a skinny model and is nonrefundable if I buy it, its kind of hard to imagine shelling out a big chunk of change on something that I am just considering settling for because its the only one that is sort of ok.
Now don't worry. I have a year, so I'm not going to jump on this sort of ok dress just yet. My point just is, after looking at around 2000 dresses and only finding one that was sort of ok, I'm feeling like this is going to be sort of a hopeless task.
PS. If you were wondering. The hardest criteria from my list to mee is the #2. The high back. And that one is non-negotiable.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Thank You Ebay
So part of my idea for the decorations required obtaining around 75-85 Milk Glass Bud Vases. Originally I had thought I'd just look for them here and there for the next year at rummage sales, goodwills, etc. And then I remembered Ebay. But the shipping charges generally almost doubled the costs of the vases.
I spent one day with Catie trying to look for vases in the area. And after a day of hitting rummage sales and finding no milk glass, and a couple of trips to Goodwill that were somewhat successful, but at that rate I'd probably have to go to 2 or 3 goodwills every week for 4 months to find enough vases, I decided to go back to Ebay.
On average I'd say that purchasing the vases via Ebay probably added about $1.50 per vase extra. Multiplied by 80 vases I was looking at an extra cost of $120.
However. After one week and 2 days of bidding. I now have 75 vases purchased.
I probably spent roughly 20 hours bidding and searching on Ebay vs. approximately 50 hours or more I probably would have spent searching for them in the area. So there was a significant time savings.
Additionally, if I figure out how much gas would have been spent driving around to get them I figure the gas cost would have been about $60.
So at this juncture I would have saved about $60 dollars by looking for them in the area and would have sacrificed about 30 hours of my time.
Now I shall factor in how much Catie and I spent buying other things we didn't really need at the rummage sales we went to. In that one day we spent about $35. Now, I'm sure we wouldn't have spent $35 every time we went rummage saling, but even if we only spent a quarter of that, we would have spent an addtional $100 at least.
So if we recalculate looking for vases in the area would have cost us about $60 in gas and probably $100 in unnecessary purchases, as well as an extra 30 hours of time. Versus the extra $120 per vase by purchasing them on Ebay.
And lets not forget the assumption that I would be able to keep finding what I was looking for in the area at the same rate.
The moral of the story: Using Ebay might have ultimately saved a bit of money ($40) and definitely saved time when it came to purchasing a big portion of our decorations even if it didn't appear so initially when looking at the per item cost. And it definitely insured I got exactly the ones I was looking for versus settling for what was available in the area.
I spent one day with Catie trying to look for vases in the area. And after a day of hitting rummage sales and finding no milk glass, and a couple of trips to Goodwill that were somewhat successful, but at that rate I'd probably have to go to 2 or 3 goodwills every week for 4 months to find enough vases, I decided to go back to Ebay.
On average I'd say that purchasing the vases via Ebay probably added about $1.50 per vase extra. Multiplied by 80 vases I was looking at an extra cost of $120.
However. After one week and 2 days of bidding. I now have 75 vases purchased.
I probably spent roughly 20 hours bidding and searching on Ebay vs. approximately 50 hours or more I probably would have spent searching for them in the area. So there was a significant time savings.
Additionally, if I figure out how much gas would have been spent driving around to get them I figure the gas cost would have been about $60.
So at this juncture I would have saved about $60 dollars by looking for them in the area and would have sacrificed about 30 hours of my time.
Now I shall factor in how much Catie and I spent buying other things we didn't really need at the rummage sales we went to. In that one day we spent about $35. Now, I'm sure we wouldn't have spent $35 every time we went rummage saling, but even if we only spent a quarter of that, we would have spent an addtional $100 at least.
So if we recalculate looking for vases in the area would have cost us about $60 in gas and probably $100 in unnecessary purchases, as well as an extra 30 hours of time. Versus the extra $120 per vase by purchasing them on Ebay.
And lets not forget the assumption that I would be able to keep finding what I was looking for in the area at the same rate.
The moral of the story: Using Ebay might have ultimately saved a bit of money ($40) and definitely saved time when it came to purchasing a big portion of our decorations even if it didn't appear so initially when looking at the per item cost. And it definitely insured I got exactly the ones I was looking for versus settling for what was available in the area.
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